A need to need
I came across a quote, where someone said Alcoholics Anonymous had replaced church for them. I expected to hear something about hypocrites or money-grabbers, but the reason they gave was that they needed each other. They were dependent on each other.
At first, I thought it was silly. In my mind, that's not what church was for. I didn't need anybody at my church. Nobody at my church really needs me. But maybe that's why I didn't get it.
When I moved to Barbados, young and in love and in poverty, lol, I needed other people. I didn't want to need them. I wanted to be an independent married woman. I made the decision to get married as a full time worker to a full time worker, so I knew things would be tight. But I thought I could make the little money stretch. Turns out I picked the wrong country for stretching :)
So there I was, this big married woman, having to be picked up (no vehicle) with my dirty laundry (no washing machine) to wash my clothes at my mother-in law's house! (I hope sharing such embarrassing information helps someone out there...)
If I had had a washing machine in those early days, I wouldn't have had any reason to spend time at my in-laws. And since we still don't have a vehicle, I end up seeing them mostly on car rides home. Though our relationship still has a lot of growing to do, it would probably be non-existent if I didn't have to rely on them for basic needs. In other words, I didn't want to need them, but maybe I needed to. The Lord is still working out my poverty for good.
Another time I had a great 'need' was when I just started UWI, a lifetime ago in 2003, when not everyone had a personal computer. I was one of those people. But I sometimes needed a computer for class notes or assignments, and for sure I needed it to talk to my brand new long distant boyfriend. And for the sake of very important relationship building conversations, I often over-stayed my welcome in my classmates' flats (I apologise dear friends for my youthful insensitivity). But spending so much time with them helped to build our friendship. A good friendship is something everyone needs when they're away from home. We shared laughs and cries, sunday dinners, movies and stories. We shared our lives. When I got my own computer though, we spent less time together. And our relationships suffered.
Some say that real relationships last no matter what. I don't know how true that is. Maybe we need to need each other. Maybe we were made to depend on each other. Why are the strongest bonds formed under adversity? Maybe it's supposed to be so.The western world is so individualistic now, and I think it's done more harm than good.
I need people to need. Maybe I need to admit where my needs are and let them into my mess. That is too scary to think about right now.
One thing I do know though, is that I need to need God; To understand how much I depend on him. Yes, for the clichés of air to breath, etc, but really and truly, I am a helpless wreck. What has happened in my life that is not the Lord's doing? The difference between needing to need other people and needing the Lord is that we can actually survive without other people. So I don't need to need God, I just need to be honest. I want to learn to be so dependent on God that like Martin Luther, I spend more time in prayer if I'm gonna have a busy day.
It may be time for me to flip it around, to stop thinking of my own needs. How can I be someone that is needed? How do I get into someone's life? What do I have to give? I need to be needed, and I need people to depend on. Where are you?
VM
At first, I thought it was silly. In my mind, that's not what church was for. I didn't need anybody at my church. Nobody at my church really needs me. But maybe that's why I didn't get it.
When I moved to Barbados, young and in love and in poverty, lol, I needed other people. I didn't want to need them. I wanted to be an independent married woman. I made the decision to get married as a full time worker to a full time worker, so I knew things would be tight. But I thought I could make the little money stretch. Turns out I picked the wrong country for stretching :)
So there I was, this big married woman, having to be picked up (no vehicle) with my dirty laundry (no washing machine) to wash my clothes at my mother-in law's house! (I hope sharing such embarrassing information helps someone out there...)
If I had had a washing machine in those early days, I wouldn't have had any reason to spend time at my in-laws. And since we still don't have a vehicle, I end up seeing them mostly on car rides home. Though our relationship still has a lot of growing to do, it would probably be non-existent if I didn't have to rely on them for basic needs. In other words, I didn't want to need them, but maybe I needed to. The Lord is still working out my poverty for good.
Another time I had a great 'need' was when I just started UWI, a lifetime ago in 2003, when not everyone had a personal computer. I was one of those people. But I sometimes needed a computer for class notes or assignments, and for sure I needed it to talk to my brand new long distant boyfriend. And for the sake of very important relationship building conversations, I often over-stayed my welcome in my classmates' flats (I apologise dear friends for my youthful insensitivity). But spending so much time with them helped to build our friendship. A good friendship is something everyone needs when they're away from home. We shared laughs and cries, sunday dinners, movies and stories. We shared our lives. When I got my own computer though, we spent less time together. And our relationships suffered.
Some say that real relationships last no matter what. I don't know how true that is. Maybe we need to need each other. Maybe we were made to depend on each other. Why are the strongest bonds formed under adversity? Maybe it's supposed to be so.The western world is so individualistic now, and I think it's done more harm than good.
I need people to need. Maybe I need to admit where my needs are and let them into my mess. That is too scary to think about right now.
One thing I do know though, is that I need to need God; To understand how much I depend on him. Yes, for the clichés of air to breath, etc, but really and truly, I am a helpless wreck. What has happened in my life that is not the Lord's doing? The difference between needing to need other people and needing the Lord is that we can actually survive without other people. So I don't need to need God, I just need to be honest. I want to learn to be so dependent on God that like Martin Luther, I spend more time in prayer if I'm gonna have a busy day.
It may be time for me to flip it around, to stop thinking of my own needs. How can I be someone that is needed? How do I get into someone's life? What do I have to give? I need to be needed, and I need people to depend on. Where are you?
VM
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