Rock-a-bye Baby
It's 9:30am. Judah is down for his morning nap. At 9 am, he walked away from where he was playing and tried to climb into my lap. He was tired and I normally put him to sleep by putting him up on my shoulder while sitting in the rocking chair, so it was logical for him to try to get up to me when he was sleepy. Though this isn't the usual thing (I normally chase him down and take him with me to the rocking chair), it isn't surprising. I have a schedule for Judah, but he came up with him. I know his naptime is 9am only because I see him behaving sleepy or, like this morning, he comes to me wanting rest.
He is 14 months old now, and I often wonder if I should keep trying to sleep train him, so that instead of falling asleep in my arms, he'll fall asleep in the crib.
When I was a teenager, imagining what it would be like to be a mother, there were two things I really wanted to experience: feeling a baby kick in my tummy and having a baby fall asleep in my arms.
But all the books say I'm supposed to let him cry and scream to figure out how to fall asleep away from me. I've listened, and I understand the merits of an independent 5 month old (is that an oxymoron?), and I've tried many different ways even, but it doesn't seem to be for us.
I think I need to forget the books/websites/all the other mothers in the world with this one.I don't think I'm supposed to sleep train my son. I know it will be harder for me, but what about raising a baby has been easy so far? Why do they pick on sleep? I've seen one website suggest that it is a developmental milestone, just like crawling or walking. We can't force it. Then I wondered about all the other babies that have been successfully trained. But my mind (and you know how my mind is) figured that if you can 'train' a three month old baby to not want breast any more, then that can't be used as conclusive evidence that you're supposed to get the baby to be 'independent'.
Is it just a part of our individualistic culture? A baby needs his mother, right? Not that I want to feel of value, but is it the truth? Does Judah need me and have I been wrong to push him away in his crib to try to teach him? What am I trying to teach him?
I convinced myself that he didn't know what was really going on at 5 months, etc. He cried harder after I took him back out and cradled him, almost saying to me that I had hurt him. He never needed a routine to signal bed time. He slept through the night all on his own at 3 months. And his attitude would change and he would let me know when he wanted to go to sleep. All I wanted was some ease on my back, just for him to lie in the crib and fall asleep on his own.
How many nights studying at UWI did I just lie there, staring at the ceiling, longing for sleep to come. Why do I think he can do it now?
I remember his milk allergy, and I wonder how brave he must have been to even fall asleep on my shoulder when he was in pain. He was only 2 weeks old and it took us many weeks to figure it out! It must have been nice to have the pressure of my shoulder right in his tummy to help move things alone. Maybe that's why he cried when I tried any other position. But he got older, and I was so thankful to God when he fell asleep in the rocking chair. All I wanted was relief for my back, and I got it.
I was proud to be responsive to my son...for a little. I did wonder if I was spoiling him, if I was making him into a 'hand-baby', whatever that meant. He seemed so independent and intelligent. He just wanted me when he was hungry and when he slept. Why was that too much for a baby? What was so wrong with that? What bad thing would happen in the long run? But every now and then, when I was extra tired from being a mother, I would wonder. And I would use it to justify his screaming. I was helping him. This was best. It even started to work. He cried on and off for 90mins once, then fell asleep. The next time, it was only 15mins. But I had to keep my hand on his back, holding him still in the crib for it to work. That didn't make sense. There must be another way for him to learn to settle himself.
I've seen him skip naps all together without batting an eye. So if I put him in the crib and leave him, he'd just stay awake. I can't make him stay still. All these other magical babies that fell asleep after 10mins of crying...that wasn't my son. I could see the confusion in his eyes.
One day last month, it was about 1:40pm and I was waiting for 2pm to put him to sleep, the gentle way for him, cause he seemed traumatised from trying sleep training that morning. But he was even wiser than me. He looked at the boppy pillow and signed milk. I knew immediately that he was gonna use breast to soothe himself to sleep. Maybe he felt he needed to be proactive. I was blown away by the thought. But then everyone says not to do that...that it's bad for his teeth, that he won't learn, etc. Forget them. I love my son. He knows best, he always did.
Everytime I'd let him cry to try to 'learn', it would turn out that he had a good reason for crying. Every single time. He was never a manipulator. So I started to listen to his needs. And he'd always fall right asleep (in my arms) after the problem was solved. He would 'fight sleep', not because he wanted to stay awake, but because he couldn't figure out how to get to sleep.
Well, he figured it out that day, and I gave him milk and he was asleep in less than 5mins. What's interesting is that he never fell asleep on breast as a baby, as much as I wanted him to. He'd wake up hungry, I'd breastfeed him and then it would almost give him a sugar rush and he'd be active for a little (this was quite annoying when I tried to use breast to put him to sleep when I was exhausted and it would make him more awake instead, lol). After playing for a little, I'd see his mood change and then put him back to sleep. He'd feed every 3 hours on the dot. So the fact that he asked for breast to go to sleep that day means he knows it comforts him and he's also telling me what he needs. And I will listen. I will keep my sanity and the sanity of my neighbours and I'll go and get my son when he cries. Or send Mario for him when it's his turn (or my turn and I can't be bothered to). Forget you Westerners. I will keep my dependent hand-baby. Because he's everything but...
VM
He is 14 months old now, and I often wonder if I should keep trying to sleep train him, so that instead of falling asleep in my arms, he'll fall asleep in the crib.
When I was a teenager, imagining what it would be like to be a mother, there were two things I really wanted to experience: feeling a baby kick in my tummy and having a baby fall asleep in my arms.
But all the books say I'm supposed to let him cry and scream to figure out how to fall asleep away from me. I've listened, and I understand the merits of an independent 5 month old (is that an oxymoron?), and I've tried many different ways even, but it doesn't seem to be for us.
I think I need to forget the books/websites/all the other mothers in the world with this one.I don't think I'm supposed to sleep train my son. I know it will be harder for me, but what about raising a baby has been easy so far? Why do they pick on sleep? I've seen one website suggest that it is a developmental milestone, just like crawling or walking. We can't force it. Then I wondered about all the other babies that have been successfully trained. But my mind (and you know how my mind is) figured that if you can 'train' a three month old baby to not want breast any more, then that can't be used as conclusive evidence that you're supposed to get the baby to be 'independent'.
Is it just a part of our individualistic culture? A baby needs his mother, right? Not that I want to feel of value, but is it the truth? Does Judah need me and have I been wrong to push him away in his crib to try to teach him? What am I trying to teach him?
I convinced myself that he didn't know what was really going on at 5 months, etc. He cried harder after I took him back out and cradled him, almost saying to me that I had hurt him. He never needed a routine to signal bed time. He slept through the night all on his own at 3 months. And his attitude would change and he would let me know when he wanted to go to sleep. All I wanted was some ease on my back, just for him to lie in the crib and fall asleep on his own.
How many nights studying at UWI did I just lie there, staring at the ceiling, longing for sleep to come. Why do I think he can do it now?
I remember his milk allergy, and I wonder how brave he must have been to even fall asleep on my shoulder when he was in pain. He was only 2 weeks old and it took us many weeks to figure it out! It must have been nice to have the pressure of my shoulder right in his tummy to help move things alone. Maybe that's why he cried when I tried any other position. But he got older, and I was so thankful to God when he fell asleep in the rocking chair. All I wanted was relief for my back, and I got it.
I was proud to be responsive to my son...for a little. I did wonder if I was spoiling him, if I was making him into a 'hand-baby', whatever that meant. He seemed so independent and intelligent. He just wanted me when he was hungry and when he slept. Why was that too much for a baby? What was so wrong with that? What bad thing would happen in the long run? But every now and then, when I was extra tired from being a mother, I would wonder. And I would use it to justify his screaming. I was helping him. This was best. It even started to work. He cried on and off for 90mins once, then fell asleep. The next time, it was only 15mins. But I had to keep my hand on his back, holding him still in the crib for it to work. That didn't make sense. There must be another way for him to learn to settle himself.
I've seen him skip naps all together without batting an eye. So if I put him in the crib and leave him, he'd just stay awake. I can't make him stay still. All these other magical babies that fell asleep after 10mins of crying...that wasn't my son. I could see the confusion in his eyes.
One day last month, it was about 1:40pm and I was waiting for 2pm to put him to sleep, the gentle way for him, cause he seemed traumatised from trying sleep training that morning. But he was even wiser than me. He looked at the boppy pillow and signed milk. I knew immediately that he was gonna use breast to soothe himself to sleep. Maybe he felt he needed to be proactive. I was blown away by the thought. But then everyone says not to do that...that it's bad for his teeth, that he won't learn, etc. Forget them. I love my son. He knows best, he always did.
Everytime I'd let him cry to try to 'learn', it would turn out that he had a good reason for crying. Every single time. He was never a manipulator. So I started to listen to his needs. And he'd always fall right asleep (in my arms) after the problem was solved. He would 'fight sleep', not because he wanted to stay awake, but because he couldn't figure out how to get to sleep.
Well, he figured it out that day, and I gave him milk and he was asleep in less than 5mins. What's interesting is that he never fell asleep on breast as a baby, as much as I wanted him to. He'd wake up hungry, I'd breastfeed him and then it would almost give him a sugar rush and he'd be active for a little (this was quite annoying when I tried to use breast to put him to sleep when I was exhausted and it would make him more awake instead, lol). After playing for a little, I'd see his mood change and then put him back to sleep. He'd feed every 3 hours on the dot. So the fact that he asked for breast to go to sleep that day means he knows it comforts him and he's also telling me what he needs. And I will listen. I will keep my sanity and the sanity of my neighbours and I'll go and get my son when he cries. Or send Mario for him when it's his turn (or my turn and I can't be bothered to). Forget you Westerners. I will keep my dependent hand-baby. Because he's everything but...
VM
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